My friend Rob mentioned in his post today how he and I met however, he left out a few key details…

I was a “newbie”; an outsider who was looking to expand away from tiny town, U.S.A. and make his mark in the “big” city.  One of our mutual friends was celebrating his birthday with a party at a hot spot the city boys always hung out at and I was invited.  I had become friendly on line with quite a few members of “The Mafia”, as they were called, and many of them decided this was a great opportunity for me to meet them en masse, so they finally talked me into making the drive and join the festivities.

As I walked into the bar, a little guy, John, nicknamed Turtle, greeted me and took me to the upper level where the party group had gathered.  He started introducing me to some of the others…and they were not impressed.  It was almost like what happens when you turn on the lights and the cockroaches scatter.  I was having mixed emotions; fear, sadness, anger.  I knew this was going to happen.  Why didn’t I listen to my gut instinct?  Even the guy who had talked to me most about coming to the party, and invited me to crash on his couch so I wouldn’t have to drive all the way back home after drinking, left right after meeting me.  I found a corner at the bar and backed myself right into it; my little safety, comfort zone.

Rob failed to mention how I convinced him to give the group another shot. The real reason I hadn’t talked to him that night was that I hadn’t been part of the introductions and I had my own stuff going on with my bf, so I opted to save the meeting for another night. I could tell right of the bat that he’d formed an opinion based on his own perception of the way things were going. He didn’t understand that the other guys might be as intimidated by him as he was of them.

The next day, I saw him online complaining about how no one talked to him and how “he knew” this was going to happen. He didn’t get that people take some time to warm up to a total stranger and that this was normal. I felt bad about being too caught up in my own problems to take action and help-out someone new. 

I knew that I had to turn the tables somehow if I was going to overcome his anger and insecurity. So, I challenged him personally. How could he gripe about being ignored when he ignored me?

If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s being irritating and I laid it on thick. He’d seen my picture online, how could he not say hi? I was not only pissed off, I was offended that he would snub me, ME, of all people. (Not really but it was all part of my evil plot) It didn’t matter that the others were rude to him. We weren’t talking about their behavior. We were talking about his. Once I was done with him, he would’ve been convinced that the sky was purple. 

Eventually, I acquiesced to his request to make up for his rudeness. And bam, I had him! Now all I had to do was go slap some of the mafia members upside the head for being so insensitive. More of an annoyance than a problem really, I was one of the lieutenants so it was my job. After all, the whole point of the mafia to include rather than exclude people.

The next time Rob came out things went a bit differently and although he was wary at first we eventually brought him into the fold. In time, Rob found his little niche and even missed the mafia after it broke up. 

Years later when I explained this all to him he laughed and called me a b*tch. I don’t feel bad about convincing Rob that he had offended me. It was for his own good and necessary. Besides, what was he thinking ignoring a lieutenant of the Gay Mafia anyway? *wink*

…and now you know the rest of the story.