Archive for May, 2007
What I Only Thought I Knew (Can I Get A Side Of Life With That?)
Today was an awesome day for me personally and I didn’t expect it to be nearly as good as it was.
Last night, the guy I’ve been seeing (Chris) asked me if I would be up for a BBQ held in honor of his birthday. The catch, his ex-boyfriend was holding it. I’m nothing if not a good sport and I usually play well with others, but I had my concerns. How healthy could it be to invite your ex and his new guy to your house? Since it was his birthday and I do trust him, I left the decision up to him.
When we met for brunch, Chris still hadn’t said whether we were going to the BBQ, so naturally I had to ask. He looked at me for a moment, his face even more handsome in the act of trying to gauge the nature of my query. He self-admittedly thinks too much. I’m trying to break him of that habit. We discussed the potential pitfalls of ex meeting and he agreed with my concerns. Knowing how much he values his friendship with his ex, I promised to play nice and he promised to rough-them up if they got out of hand.
After the meal and after I finished giggling at the idea of him roughing anyone up, we decided to go to The George Eastman house. The world-renowned photography museum is hosting an Ansel Adams exhibit that we both wanted to see. It was my treat since it was his birthday, besides Chris already paid for brunch. The woman at the admissions desk asked if I wanted to show my student ID for a discount. I have to admit she made my day. I am not that old, but I’m certainly not that young either!
It took a while to find our museum-walking pace, but we soon found our comfort zone. Sometimes I would hang back and sometimes I would wander away but we were always close by and met up every few photos. We both had our cameras with us so of course we had to snap some of our favorites. Until I was yelled at that is.
Upon entering the second gallery, an older gentleman who I assumed to be a volunteer guide came up to us and began chatting about the photos, developing techniques and other technical things that I really didn’t understand. He seemed very amiable toward us and spoke to us quite a few times as we wandered. He must have seen us snapping away and yet he failed to mention that this was frowned on. So imagine my surprise when a horrified security guard came up to me asked me to stop taking pictures. The guard explained that I could take pictures in the house and the gardens, but not in the exhibit. Of course, Chris got a good laugh out of it and said he rather liked the idea of dating a rule-breaker. How was I supposed to know? There weren’t any signs.
Feeling lazy and a little worn out from our short day, we headed back to Chris’s apartment before the BBQ. We snuggled on the couch and talked about silly things of no great consequence. It was during one of those ramblings that Chris referred to me as ‘his beau’. I didn’t realize what he’d said at first, but once I did, it made me smile.
Until recently, I wasn’t sure where our relationship was headed. I liked him, but my head was stopping my heart from making that final connection. It wasn’t until this past Saturday, when he was out of town, that I really thought him and allowed my feelings fall into place like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle tossed into the air. The best way I can explain it is, he’s not the guy I thought I needed, but he’s turning out to be the guy I probably wanted all along.
The BBQ turned out to be harmless. As far as I know, a good time was had by all and not so much as a verbal barb was thrown about. We both had to work in the morning and it was getting late, so he took me home afterward.
At home, I had eager messages awaiting me from friends wanting to know how everything went. I decided to pop my camera on its dock and download the day’s shots (including those illicitly obtained) while I got them up to speed. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many really good pictures I took. I like taking pictures but I don’t think my shots are all that good. I get lucky occasionally and snap a great shot here or there, but I’m definitely intimidated by the professional photographers on flickr.
My final shock of the day actually came when I logged onto my flickr account. I saw a waiting email and naturally assumed it was a new connection request. When I clicked on it, I had to read the words twice. It was from a news website wanting to use one of my photos for an article. I went to the site and checked it out. It was all legit. They really wanted one of my photos. The picture wasn’t even one of those “lucky shots” that I thought were so great. I was floored!
What’s next? Will someone publish my articles or offer me a lifestyles column? I guess that’s what I get for thinking I know what “The Plan” is.
A Lesson In Grace (Can I Get A Side Of Life With That?)
I only had two items so the “7 or less” line seemed like the perfect choice, especially since no one was line.
Once I got up to the register, my cashier politely explained that the absent customer ahead of me had gone to get something else from the store.
I felt a surge of annoyance and anger, but I took a deep breath and let it wash away that reaction. There must be a reason why I was meant to wait. I might as well do it with grace.
I stood there patiently, just existing. I was in a good place when the woman returned three minutes later with a package of hamburger.
The cashier checked her out and proceeded to scan and bag my two items when the same woman interrupted her to say that she needed her groceries double-bagged.
I was ok when the cashier turned away to re-bag the woman’s items. I was still good when the woman took the bag with my sole two items in it. I even made a joke about her taking my parfaits.
I thought I was funny, the cashier laughed, but the woman simply gave me a dirty look and put back my bag. It wasn’t even off-color or about her. I was just being gayly cute. Apparently, she wasn’t having it.
After all of that, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Who are you and what did you do with Scott?” (except for the gayly cute part, of course) In the past, this is exactly the kind of situation that would’ve raised my dander. Rob can attest to that. I like the way I handled this much better than the alternative and it wasn’t really that hard. It was just a matter of stopping and taking a moment to think.
Can I Get A Side Of Life With That?
It’s amazing the difference a week can make. Seven days ago, I was wrestling with spiritual issues, conflicted about moving and still not sure of my place in this new life. Today, I’m filled with energy and new resolve.
What’s changed? Everything and nothing. (Other than my perceptions, of course!) There was no life-shattering event that opened my eyes. It was little things, like sitting at the Lilac Festival, listening to a cajun band while people danced or watching a Mom and her two small children on a late night bus. I realized that life happens all around us all the time.
I always knew that life goes on no matter what, but I think I only considered that in the bleaker times of my life. What I didn’t think about was that life happens whether we are paying attention or not, and if we’re not we miss out on it.
Too many times I get caught up with silly fears, beliefs or my own skewed perspective and miss out on life. Life can’t wait for me to get my head out of the sand. I’m sure that I’ve missed out on a few things. I intend not to miss out on any more, if I can help it. I believe the trick is to pay attention and not let a moment slip by.
I’ve been itching to write a column for a while now. My own fear of not being able to keep up with it or not having a clear message to write about has been stopping me. I know I have a unique view on life. I might not be able to see the whole picture yet, but I know it’s unique.
It’s in that spirit, I’d like to begin my weekly column, “Can I Get A Side Of Life With That?” -A humorous semi-serious look at the world around us and the things we do in this too short life.
